Updates x

Hey guys!

Just back from another week in the sun....yes i am jammy!!!! It was a lovely relaxing week which saw me shop every morning,sunbathe every afternoon and go out for dinner each evening (something i actually ENJOY doing these days!).

Back to rainny Dublin now and back to reality! About a month ago i got offered a place at college to do a fast track to employment course which i am delighted about however i still havent started it yet which is rather frustrating me,im not the most patient of people! The thing that seems to be holding everything up is the medical. College obviously werent completely happy with it as they now want me to be assessed be THEIR psych which is happening tomorrow morning. Hopefully i can prove myself sane enough for them to take me on LOL ;-) and then i can finally start after the summer break (end of august).

Im seeing A (my therapist&social worker) on thursday which im looking forward to,she can be really helpful with practical stuff along with everything else and is invaluable!!!

Im not back to see my psych (Dr.M)or dietician(Y) until next week which means weigh in time! Im sure with all those dinners out and the glorious strawberry cheesecake ice cream i indulged in my weight should still be going up...i just hope its not jumped up a scary amount. I can deal with a couple of pounds but anything more and i know it will freak me out!

Now onto the good stuff! SHOPPING!!! I got this fab yellow dress in Topshop reduced from 75euro to 15euro! I had been looking at it when it first hit the shops but couldnt justify buying it at the price it was and then today there it was one left in the sale....PERFECT.

I also popped into pennys and got a couple of light knitted jumpers (Yes i know its summer but this IS ireland!).

I picked up these cute flats in the River Island sale,they were reduced to 14euro!

Thats all for now lovelies,im all shopped out....until tomorrow.... :o) xxx

Insomnia x

Cannot get a wink of sleep these nights and it is driving me absolutely nuts. I end up going for a power nap during the day at some stage which helps a little but with college starting soon i really cant continue like this! I cant understand why i cant get any shut eye,the only 'bad' thing on my mind is the uncomfortable feeling i have with my body after gaining 20lbs. It sounds shallow and i know there are SO many more important things than weight but anorexia is like any other addiction,bloody hard to kick especially after so many years. My mind is trained into an eating disordered way of thinking and gaining so much weight goes against every thing my my head is telling me.

Im getting quite worked up about starting college,i am so scared im going to mess it up like all the other times,i HAVE to make this work. Have to.

Ive been seeing ALOT more of my friends recently which has been really great,i didnt realize just how much fun i was missing out on,ive quite a bit of catching up to do so there is no stopping me now!

Im seeing my psych and dietician on friday and i actually cannot wait for some much needed reassurance. My weight is still going up slowly. My heart knows this is a good thing,my head is screaming i need to lose.

For now....im listening to my heart xxx