Lower than low x

Hasnt been the best day today.

I cried in the shower this morning.

Im getting bigger and bigger and my head really cant cope with it.

I have this overwhelming urge to lose the weight i have gainned (5 pounds in 5 weeks) my head is screaming at me to stop eating.

I know getting better is in my hands ultimately.

But i dont FEEL in control.

The guilt grows more intense with every meal.

I dont know how to cope with it.

I dont know how i will ever get better.

Ive never been able to really truely recover in the 11years and i honestly dont know how i am going to do it.

I want out...