I cant. I actually cannot do this anymore. Wake up everyday thinking about food,try and eat whats on my meal plan,staying up til 5 in the morning thinking about how little i can eat the next day,what im going to eat,where im going to eat...finally falling asleep exhausted only to wake up and do the same thing again. I feel sickly. I ate so much today i could cry. We're in our house in the country so ive eatin more than usual and i cant cope with it. It makes me want to eat nothing tomorrow. It disgusts me that i let all that food past my lips.
I had a shower today with my eyes closed. I could feel every extra inch of flesh i have gainned.
It has to go.
How can i live like this?
Live in this body.
How can i hurt people all over again?
I wish i could be normal.Ive tried it.Really tried.
It hurts. Its abnormal.
I have a switch (i think everyone has one) that i can flick on and talk the talk when im with people 'Oh im so much better,it feels amazing,i want to keep going with recovery,making lots of plans for the future blah blah f*cking blah'
Selfish b*tch.
Why did they even save me?
You just have to do it. Trust everyone but yourself. Ok?
ReplyDeleteThey saved you because its their job. We try to help you because we love and care about you.
Laura
You deserve so much more than this.
ReplyDeleteYou had a life, remember that.
You were fighting and working, and loving and living.
Fashion was everything.
You were so much more than just Anorexia.
I am so sad to see you shrink to this, literally and metaphorically.
You are worth so much more.
I hope like mad you realise that soon.
The issue is dolly, you lose weight again, your head goes even worse AGAIN.
And you may think that dying is a nicer option than weight gain, the way you die may not.
Organ failure, going blind, sores and hell before you even die.
You have so much in you.
USE IT!!
It is there.
Just believe it <3
Read this:
ReplyDeletehttp://lifeasiknowit-sparkles.blogspot.com/2011/09/view-from-other-side-x.html
Thank u girls....i have no way out right now. I dont know what to say just THANK YOU xxx
ReplyDelete