Trying to be positive x

So i survived weigh day! Gainned a pound! Felt horrificly fat and then i realised its just one bloody pound,its probably not even noticable,it just FEELS awful.

This week i am actually dying for weigh day as if i meet my target of 5 and a half i am allowed home so i am gobbling up everything lol. But then i get confused,i feeel like im binging but my dietician says i havent even reached 1000 cals yet. Im at 800 now and it feels way too much even though logically i know its not enough its still alot more than i was eating before admission. A girl can live on 3 fat free yogurts a day i thought...boy was i wrong.

Leaving food and weight aside,im super paranoid everyone is sick and tired of me,i dont have many visitors apart from family and one good friend. Im scared i have lost all my friends and when i get out they wont want to know me,i mean they MUST be sick of me at this stage,im sick of me.

Anorexia is a very lonely secretive illness. Its selfish and destroys everything it touches,i hate it for what it has done to me,my family,my friends but only i have the power to beat it and i will. I dont know when or how but one day i swear ill be free.

Love Aoifs xxx