Well that didnt last long...x

Hey guys,

For some reason my followers could not view my blog when i went private so im making it public again! I still wont be putting notification updates on facebook or twitter though so keep an eye out for further ramblings here!

Today has been the hardest day ive had in quite awhile.

Ive had every ed behaviour under the sun and feel like hell.

Completely worn out and disappointed in myself.

Ive stopped taking all meds for a number of reasons i dont really want to go in to here but i think its the right decision for me at the moment.

Feeling a little uneasy about the break from treatment over Christmas but also looking forward to it in a way...that probably doesnt make sense!

I'll leave it there for now,sleep is calling!

Sarah if youre reading this,youre always in my thoughts,please keep fighting,i know you can find your way out x

Love Aoifs xXx

Moving on up&going private x

Hey guys!

Just a little update and also to mention to anyone that reads this im setting my blog to private from this week,if you want to keep reading please just follow me. Also i wont be posting my update notifications on facebook or twitter anymore.

Things here have been going much much better. Im still eating well most days and getting closer and closer to target weight. Its scary as hell but im not stopping until i get there.

Recently a number of conversations ive had with different friends and family have just made me so determined to fully recover.

Ive let anorexia rule my life for over 12 years now and its just far too long. I really feel its now or never. I could easily just go along day to day existing and not really living,but i dont want to settle for that anymore. I want a real life,even though it terrifies me just thinking of it.I know its got to be better than another year with an eating disorder.

I want a job and a boyfriend and a house and eventually a marriage and a babies!

I definitely cant hold onto the anorexia and have all those things.

Therapy with Triona is also going really well,its definitely helping me this time round.

She sees people change their lives and live their dreams all the time and she says i can be one of those people too if i keep going in the right direction...and you know, im starting to believe her...

Love Aoifs xXx

Tips for surviving Christmas x

The following tips along with much more information on eating disorders can be found here- http://www.bodywhys.ie/

The nature of an eating disorder can mean that Christmas can be a particularly difficult time of year.

Some helpful tips for coping with the pressures that can arise at Christmas time:

• Try not to isolate yourself.
• In advance of Christmas, let people know how you are feeling. Talk to them about your fears around food. Try to ease the stress by identifying what might make things less stressful for you. Write out a list and share it with your family. This could help you negotiate ways of having your needs met. Present your list as your coping tools so that others may engage positively to support you in using them.
• If you can identify a family member that you can confide in, enlist their support and work out with them specific ways of coping with the pressures of the day. The more aware they are of your needs, the more confident and willing they will be to help you.
• Write down your feelings if you feel scared. Writing them down can help to dilute or dissipate the feeling.
• Try and keep to your own routine around meal times, etc., if this is important to you.
• Arrange that whoever is doing the cooking knows that you need to have some control over what you eat. Try to negotiate ways of having your needs met well in advance of Christmas Day to prevent a build up of anxiety and stress.

• Try and take time-out from the ‘crowd’, to read quietly, to take a walk, or to listen to music. Tell people in advance that it would help you to be allowed to do this.
• Try to keep things in perspective by taking a realistic view of food and drink. They are only two of the many pleasurable activities at this time of year.
• Be prepared for comments about food and plan your response. Avoid reacting defensively. Instead, respond in a way that invites others to respect your needs(Example: “It’s important for me to be able to manage things at my own pace at this moment” / “If I am allowed to manage things my own way, it will help me to feel less stressed”)
• Try not to expect too much – either of yourself or others, or even of the day – and you will avoid feeling disappointed.
• It is important to remember that you deserve to be happy too, so choose what you want to do as much as you can.
• Whatever way it turns out, remember that Christmas is just one day out of 365 days, so don’t panic.
• Give yourself the gift of acceptance. You are as you are.
• If you really cannot face the celebrations, explore ways of helping others, or escape within the home, if that is possible.
• Try and stay with the present and not look back or forward. It is, after all, only one day.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t be hard on yourself. Christmas can be overwhelming at the best of times!

 I hope this helps some of you get through the holidays!!! 

Love Aoifs xXx