Hi lovelies,
In bed on a saturday night....actually have been in bed all day. So incredibly tired and sore. Ive just been sleeping and waking up at meal times to make sure i stick to the plan,which i have!
Im tired of resting but anything i do exhausts me and this confuses me as i am eating well with no ed behaviours to compensate.
Man i am just tiiiired.
Surely now im eating well i should be full of energy?
I dont know.
I know i must be still getting bigger,i can see the bones disappearing and the extra layers of fat covering them up.
I cant tell you how horrific this makes me feel.
Sometimes(and i KNOW this is awful)i think dying would be easier for everyone involved.
I would be free. My dad and family and friends might hurt but i honestly sometimes believe me not being around would be better for everybody,not just me. With time they would realise the relief.
Im not going to act on these thoughts,they are just feelings.
Just the truth.
Love Aoifs xxx
first off hun, you have no energy cos your body is burning off the few calories you eat just being awake. You'll get there, we all believe in you.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you will have these hard days and some harder than the last, you'll feel down - no one can know how hard this is more than you. Trust me when I say NO ONE will find it easier if you die. This is the ed trying to mess with your head, trying to make you give in and stop eating. I know you wont let it hun. Be brave, keep positive and see this through. You CAN do it.
xxx