Well it worked. Im home sweet home. Its a rather odd feeling to be honest. I am back in control. I decide when or if i eat or drink and take my meds. My recovery is in my hands...and thats a little scary.
I ate as much as i could in a bid for freedom. Now im left with guilt and a few extra pounds. I even surpassed my target,which now reads 5 stone 8 pounds. I wouldnt mind ever so much if those extra 8 pounds where to disappear...but then the logical part of me knows that would be a complete waste of this admission and all the help i was lucky enough to get.
Im finding it particulary hard to come to terms with the fact that i am at such a weight as when i look in the mirror i see 15 stone not 5. I see the chubby cheeks,the bingo wings,the love handles,i see the fat consuming me and feel powerless to stop it unless i stop eating.
However despite these clear anorexic thoughts i am determnied to try maitain my weight and attend all of my OP appointments. I will be seeing my psych,dietician,therapist and art therapist once a week and i think once i am honest with them things will continue to improve.
Now.....what on earth do i have for dinner? One of my fat free yogurts? Nah dont think so lol ;o) Bad joke.
Take care lovelies,
Aoifs xxx
I suppose being in control of your own recovery is kinda scary in some ways, but also kind of liberating I think. You can decide to get better- you. No-one else will stand in the way of recovery, they will only help you- its you. You can get better and decide to have a better, fuller more satisfying and rewarding life. Its not scary once you have it. It becomes less hard, it really does. I couldn't ever have imagined being the weight I am now, but I did it and maintained it. And you can do it too. I believe in you. Aoifs you're such an incredibly lovely, kind, considerate, funny and wonderful person - you have a fabby future ahead of you. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I love you aoifs. I want the best for you. I really do. *hugs* you're my friend, and I feel lucky because of that xxx
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