London and eating and not eating and potassium and stuff...

Hmmm now where did i leave off?

I went out to dinner with my friends and not only survived it,bloody enjoyed it too.

It wasnt until the next day the guilt set in when i stepped on the scales and saw the number rise ever so slightly.

I know i know i should throw away the scale! But i simply cannot cope without knowing the number. Ive really tried to break this habit but so far i am losing.

I was reduced to the usual ed behaviours in order to lose the offending weight.

Then on Monday i flew to London.

I knew before i went i wasnt feeling top notch but has that ever stopped me before?

In fairness im usually pretty good at knowing if im going to be ok or if im going to end up in a&e and i made it home in one piece today despite the hospital calling me while i was away to tell my potassium levels were quite low. Now any sensible person would go eat a few bananas and go get their bloods checked...me? I ate the banana,then purged the banana,then took laxatives.

FFS.

I know i am a prize idiot.

I know its ME doing these things.

I am in control.

But like ive said many times i feel very out of control.

Or is it that im so very controlled its out of control...

ok now im rambling...

I have an appointment with my doc and dietician on wednesday and im really going to try and take care and try and keep all behaviours as low key as possible.

Another one of the joys of anorexia is Osteopina which i think is what is causing me so much back ache recently. Im due another bone scan soon and im curious to see what the results will be and has the osteopina actually got worse or is it just coincidance.

I have to mention i spent time with my amazing niece,brother and sis in law while i was in London and it was the hightlight of my trip.

Now time for bed...what else would a 28 year old be doing on a saturday night at 7.30pm?

;)

Love Aoife x