Hasnt been the best day today.
I cried in the shower this morning.
Im getting bigger and bigger and my head really cant cope with it.
I have this overwhelming urge to lose the weight i have gainned (5 pounds in 5 weeks) my head is screaming at me to stop eating.
I know getting better is in my hands ultimately.
But i dont FEEL in control.
The guilt grows more intense with every meal.
I dont know how to cope with it.
I dont know how i will ever get better.
Ive never been able to really truely recover in the 11years and i honestly dont know how i am going to do it.
I want out...
the thoughts and feelings, intense as they are, let them be. just let them be there. they will go away, because we all know that you can and will fight on. today maybe not, but who knows about tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteit can't rain forever. (says the scottish girl who kinda think it may be able to here...)
*hugs*
ReplyDeletei know it seems like a lot, but they wouldnt get you to gain if you didnt need too!!!
as much as i rant and rave, i have managed to stay at a healthy weight since november, and really its been a 10 year battle, so i can quite safely say that it is possible!
its not easy, it goes against everything you think, but where has the old way gotten you? certainly not really very far, so maybe its time to have a go at a new way. treat it like an experiment. let it happen, just wait and see.
sending you lots and lots of love xxxxxxx
Thank u lovely laura. The sunshine is beaming in my window i think thats a good sign.... ;-) Thanks hun i hope u are ok xxx
ReplyDeleteThank u lovely lottie.
ReplyDeleteI think i have just accepted i need to eat and im going to have to keep gainning weight and i just have to get over that.
Im so proud of u for holding things together so well,i know u still strugge alot at times but i know u are a wee fighter xxx