I cant f*cking do this!!!
I gainned two pounds this week,it looks more like two bloody stone.
Part of me was quite pleased, afterall this is what im here for,to recover and be healthy in both body and mind but jesus i just feel like utter crap. I ant even begin to explain it.
My tube got blocked today so they had to take it out. I refused to have it put back in so the staff are peed off with me,i dont blame them. I try to be a good patient and do what is asked of me but the weight gain coupled with the comment from one of the patients makes me want to run desperately back into full blown anoexia mode.
Yet i KNOW that is no life,I KNOW i need to gain weight if i want a good quality of life but it is a huge battle in my head today so im off to bed and hope i wake up with my positive head on...
'If it makes you happy,it cant be that bad. If it makes u happy then why the hell are u so sad.'
I hope that today has brought you some sparkles back after such a rubbish day yesterday. On days like yesterday, dont ever feel alone, reach out to those you can trust to be a voice of reason when yours wobbles and most definately ignore the LOOPY ones!
ReplyDeleteI believe in you. You can do this. You're awesome my lovely. I love you. Lots. Xxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Ducky. Trying to ignore my loopy side and be more logical...so far so good. I have stopped fighting it and am letting it happen but im still scared u know? Letting go....eek. Big hugs x
ReplyDeleteThank u Tori,dont know what id do without u lovely...would be well and truely LOST. Love u xxx
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