5stone3pounds- a smile that hides the misery.
Its only now looking back at photos i can see how ill i was and how much healthier i am now. That first picture isnt ME it is pure anorexia and it scares me. I saw my therapist A today and cried...cried because i am scared of relapse. I can say from my heart i never want to fall into the grips of anorexia again. Sure i have days where i feel fat and huge etc but i am beginning to LIVE and guess what? Its pretty damn good.
I find it hard to accept the weight gain but i guess most girls are the same if their weight goes up from time to time,us girls are never happy are we? LOL.
Life is far too short to let an ed rule your life. Please anyone who is reading this and needs help,go for it. It is so worth the fight. During recovery its not just weight u gain,its your health,friends,partners,jobs,college, pretty much your whole life.And it is so much more exciting than counting calories ;o)
'Ive had a taste of paradise,thats all i really need to make me stay...i wont look back.'
xxx
You glow in the second picture and look beautiful, by the way. Man I want what you have found...
ReplyDeleteThat is so sweet thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou can find it too. Never give up however hopeless it may seem x
Awesome post Aoifs :D I'm so glad that u can see the differences between the 2 photos, its such a huge and amazing difference- you look beautiful now, still a bit too teeny, but I know you're slowly working on that. Don't doubt yourself lovely, seeing the progress you've made for yourself and knowing how much improved your life now feels is the best motivation for you to keep fighting to be healthy. You can do it! X
ReplyDeleteAw thanks Lil ur a star. I can see its a good thing that i look much healthier now and i really never want to go back BUT sometimes i have this longing to be that thin again but i will NOT give in to that.
ReplyDeleteThank you for ur support angel. Ps-are you still blogging? Link me if u dont mind me reading it ;o) xxx
I understand that longing feeling, but it's not about wanting to thin, not really. I guess the trick is to work out what the longing feeling REALLY is, what are we missing/needing? I'm kind of at a similar stage to you (though obviously much bigger) in that, I certain now that I'm on the recovery path and I too am really enjoying building up my life again :) I have an interview for college coming up, having so much fun with my girlies and I've become quite the baker! Hehe! I do have a blog but it's a blocked one. I'll send u an invite though, I don't mind. Though, I don't write often and actually when I do it's usually negative rubbish.. Which isn't really a reflection of my progress lately.. But it's helpful to vent the crap in a safe place sometimes, I guess :) stay strong. lots of love xxx
ReplyDeleteAw Lil thats really lovely to hear. I know u have struggled so much,when i read ur previous blogs i would just want to hug u and make it ok. But its perfecty ok to vent and be negative,its ur space to say how u feel hun. Im certainly not a ball of positivity everyday lol!
ReplyDeleteWhat are u going to study in college?? That is so exciting! Really sounds like we are both in similar situation right now. The thoughts of college are VERY excitingbut im rather nervous and scared too...are u?
Oh yes please do send me an invite if u dont mind hun :o)
Keep smiling and its so nice chatting again xxx
Terrified!!! Lol! It'll be such a massive change, so suddenly.. but I really want it to work, just got to get over the nerves .. And get accepted of course! It's an access course to nursing and healthcare studies, so provided I pass the course, this time next year I could be ready and set for uni :-/ eek! I've narrowed myself to 2 possible professions, either occupational therapy or psychiatric nursing.. not sure which. It is exciting too though, definitely :) I'll be really upset if I don't get on the course now.. I've bought new pens and funky notebook and everything! Lol. Have added u to my blog now, it's lovely chatting to u too, as always :) xxx
ReplyDeleteLil that is bloody fantastic! Both options sounds very exciting,my cousin is an occupational therapist and absolutely adores her job,also i know the OT at my hospital really well and she is just great and really enjoys the job,i think u could be great at it as u are so creative.
ReplyDeleteI actually did psychiatric nursing for a few months before i relapsed and ended up ip and i LOVED it but being in a psych ward so many times and seeing the things the nurses have to deal with put me off and i didnt go back lol! Im sure it wouldnt be the same for u and sometimes i think id like to go back to it cause me and u KNOW what its like from both sides if u know what i mean?
Sorry i know this is in the future im just so excited for u. First step is getting on this course which i am sure u will do honey. I had to do an interview and a few tests and i was terrified but they were absolutely fine hun try not to worry just go and b u and do ur best and u will wow them :o)
Love u lil xxx
Thank u lovely, I hope you're right! Yeah I think you're right, there are definite parts of psychiatric nursing that would scare me a bit, I've not really looked into either of them in great depth, like I only know occupational therapy from my own OT. The fact that I love her probably influences me a lot lol, but I also think it's something I'd be able to do quite naturally :) I think maybe the course at college might give me inspiration one way or another. What date do u start? Did I read late august? Not long now! Do u know anyone on the course? Sounds silly but I'm terrified of being by myself, even just walking into the room and not knowing anyone, I guess most people will be in the same position but possibly not quite as terrified as I'll feel lol xxxx
ReplyDeleteI think u would be a fab OT hun! Or psych nurse. To do those jobs u have to be really patient and understanding and compasionate and u have all of those qualities.
ReplyDeleteI start august 22nd :-) When is ur interview?
I did a sample week and was TERFIED. Didnt know anyone felt sick with nerves but everyone was so friendly and a lovely guy said hello to me (hes on the same course as me) and now were dating which i cant quite believe. We just clicked u know? Its early days though. Anyway what im trying to say is its no where near as scary as u think it will be and the first day stepping into that room is the hardest part i promise :-)
We will be ok Lil xxx
Thanks, I think you're just one of those completely likeable people though, you'd obviously have no problems fitting in or making friends. Me however, the words 'socially awkward' spring to mind! Lol. I'm sure the thoughts are far worse than how it'll be in reality though.. I've imagined every possible situation that could go wrong lol.. So it really couldn't be worse! ;) My interview is on the 17th of august so I have a few weeks to prepare myself! Lots of love sweetie xxx
ReplyDeleteyou are an inspiration to me right now.
ReplyDeleteim so glad you are finally finding a way out xxxxx
Dont worry my lovely lil,u will settle in before u know it and wonder why on earth u were worried :o) xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Lottie. I dont think im much of an inspiration im afraid but thank u for thinking that and if i can help u anyway at anytime,i will xxx
Hooray! x
ReplyDeleteThanks Joey :o) xxx
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