Hello!
Today has just been shit. Food. Mood. Blah. Pathetic.
Also my cousin D died three years ago today and although i wasnt close to her at all really it reminds me of mum. I feel for D's family. I feel the heartache. I know what its like to miss someone and know it will never go away.
We all lose someone we love at some stage of course....but it never seems to get any easier.
For me personally i use my anorexia to cope with any bad feelings or memories. As soon as mum comes to mind i almost automatically turn to food and weight. Its a good distraction. I dont let her in. I try not to let myself miss her. I dont *usually look at photos of her. I dont share my memories of her. Its beyond awful but its almost like she was never here in ways,like i have blocked her out. I must be the worst daughter in the world.
Again this is another reason in a long list as to why i dont deserve to be well and happy.
Love Aoifs xxx
Or it maybe a reason to acknowledge that you are stuck in your grief...and then work on it with your psych team. Your denial and the huge emotion so obviously attached to the memories of her show how much you love her and how deeply her death affected you.
ReplyDeleteHello Aoife, I think Tash has a very good point. I don't think you had the opportunity to grieve for your mum. Talking about her and sharing memories is part of the process. Somewhere-maybe hidden at the moment are all those beautiful memories of a mom that loved you so so much. Would love to have the opportunity to share some with you. Love Catherine
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