I have my usual therapy appointment with T tomorrow and its going to be the last one for awhile.
I think sometimes a break from treatment is greatly needed...this is one of those times.
I know she thinks the going is getting tough and now i want to run but well yeah shes right.
I dont want to de dragged back to years ago and through it bit by bit,tear by tear. Sure the brave thing to do would be stay and fight.
But i feel i will crumble talking about these things.
Im simply not ready...maybe i never will be.
I get on so well with T,ive worked on and off for seven years so it will be hard to say goodbye tomorrow.
Maybe in a few months i will feel differently but for now,im running.
FAST.
Im also spacing out my psych appiontments from every week to once every 2/3 months.
Who knows if this break in treatment will be the making or the breaking of me but its time to give it a good go at least.
Do you think im mad? Is this the right decision?
Any advice welcome :)
Thanks for reading xxx
Aoife - im going to be frank...
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing?!!!
Yes, it is painful, and Yes its horrible and it feels like you cant face it - or that you dont want to - BUT this is what will help you on your road to recovery.
If you dont use the help, you will just end up back in hospital - and i fear that by spacing your psych appointments out as well, it will be a very very quick spiral backward.
what is your reasoning for a break?
can you hand on heart say that it will be helpful, and help you stay healthy?
I think it really is time you got tough with your self - the longer you put off dealing with the past, the longer you spend risking everything by staying ill (and i really do mean everything).
You need to start working towards recovery - why prolong the misery?
I am just starting intense therapy that will go on for 18 months. it will be horrible, it will hurt like hell, and yes, i will have days where i wonder why im doing it - but i cant live my life this way for much longer - i need to sort myself you.
find the fight, be brave - and just DO IT!!!
(seriously - i will find a way to come kick your butt if you bail out of therapy!) xxxxx
Hi hun,
DeleteThanks for your reply.
I have been working towards recovery for months now and i am so much better. I just NEED a break from therapy, a break from that bloody hospital, a break from that whole world. I feel like its holding me back not moving me forward in a way.
I really hope everything goes well for u sweetie,will keep u in my thoughts,let me know how its going when u can ok? Lots of love xxx
Sweetie - you said yesterday you're still gripped by anorexia. Thats not loads better. Running away from recovery isnt going to loosen its grip. You're asking for advice, and my answer is no, you're not right. Its not a decision driven by sensible aoife brain.
DeleteWell im off away for a month next week so i will get a break then and when i come home make a decision. I promise i will think more about it. Thanks sweetie xxx
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