Sometimes you just get those little reminders when you least expect it about how far behind your peers you actually are. A conversation with friends last night has left me feeling rather out of place and left behind. (Not in ANY way my friends fault by the way!!!)
Of course i have felt this before but its been quite a while since it left me feeling low like this. While casually chatting about marriage and babies and buying houses it suddenly hit me how far away from those things i really am compared to my friends.
Nearly all of them are in long term relationships,or even married,have babies or are planning them,looking for houses to settle down in,have good jobs,are driving...i could go on.
And i KNOW its all my fault i dont have these things.
And i KNOW im not the only one.
But i cant help feel alone and like i will never have these things.
And that is down to me.
But i wish it was as simple as sitting down and eating three meals a day.
I wish it was as simple as gaining weight.
I have done these things but it never seems to last.
Anorexia creeps back in and before i know it my control is gone.
Im gone.
Every time it gets a little harder to find my way back.
I want to be healthy. I want to live a normal life. I want to go to college in September. I want to fall in love,get married and have babies.
I dont understand why it is so hard to simply be 'normal'...
xxx
It's not your fault at all. You never asked for anorexia and that is what has stopped you from moving on in life. Get rid of the anorexia and you could have the most amazing life with all of those things your friends have!
ReplyDeleteI'm not suggesting for one minute that it's simple or easy - it's a long hard battle - but one worth fighting.
Don't give up, fight those voices and find Aoife! xxx
Thank u lovely.
ReplyDeleteI wont give up dont u worry!!!
Hope ur ok Lil xxx
I understand completely.
ReplyDeleteI feel such a failure compared to my friends. I feel like all i had to do was 'live' and I couldnt even do that right without messing it up with anorexia. Recovery is like walking out the otherside of a fog and only then do you realise everything you had when you walked in the fog has gone.
Its hard to pick up the pieces and not relapse again and again, but we must have faith, persevering is the only way to get better.
stay strong xxxxxxx my blog is http://katiejess.blogspot.co.uk/ please follow it as im new xxxxxxx