...more of a 'see you soon'.
Thats kind of how therapy ended yesterday.
We agreed i would have some time out until the 2nd of July and go from there.
I would have liked longer.
Like forever perhaps!!!
I see Dr.M on friday morning and will then find out how long i can have a break from seeing her for. I know some people think im doing the wrong thing and maybe i am but its my mistake to make. I really feel this is a move in the right direction. I feel i have been given everything the hospital can give and taken everything from it over the years...its time i go it alone and see what happens.
I might fall apart,i might not. I just know im sick of being a sick person. Of going to that hospital twice a week. Of seeing the same people there week after week,month after month,even year after year. I AM one of THOSE people and i dont want to be anymore.
I know of course i am not 'recovered' but i am a million times closer and thats good enough for me for the moment.
I am living life,I am out on my own,im going away,im meeting friends,im going to college,im not sitting at home in bed not eating all day and that to me is something truely amazing.
I dont by any means think everyone should take a break from treatment,but i do think theres a time and place and this is my time.
I hope people who are reading this understand my decision and thank you for all of you who support me,it gives me another reason to keep going.
Take care lovelies xxx
I've read this six times, closed it, read it again, attempting to not comment.
ReplyDelete"its time i go it alone and see what happens" - you've done that before honey and thats why we're frankly very concerned at the idea of you doing it again.
Aoifs I know u are trying to fully recover and Im trying my best to understand honestly. Its ur decision so nobody can make that for u. U made the right decision in that.
ReplyDeleteBut Aoifs don't let anorexia get into ur head. The next time anorexia pops into ur head distract ur self with something. Take ur mind off it.
Aoifs, the more u eat, the more anorexia is gone and the more stronger u become. The less u give in to anorexia the more it disappears for good.
Start believing in ur self, because including me and ur friends do.
I'm really worried we are going to loose you. It is breaking my heart to see you so unwell and walking away from the support you need. I do understand why you want to build your life away from hospital and illness but you need the support. As someone said to you recently, if you had a broken leg you wouldn't ignore crutches. I'm not saying I don't believe in you but I am really worried.
ReplyDeleteGuys please there is absolutely no need for concern. I am fine now and i will continue to be fine. If i find it too hard i will ring T or Dr M i promise but its going to be absolutely fine so please please i dont see the need to worry at all. Thank you for caring so much though it means alot to me xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I don't want to upset you, but I think you're in denial. The simple fact that you can't see why people are so concerned speaks volumes. Yes, you are better than you were a few months ago - but you were in a critical condition then and you're only just out of the danger zone. Would you have got to the stage you're at now without the hospital intervention? Or would you still be that girl, laying in bed all day not eating - or worse!? :( You need to face your demons and get rid of anorexia once and for all.
ReplyDeleteThis is your decision and it sounds like you've made up your mind - I genuinely hope that you can prove us wrong, use that when anorexia is screaming at you to go backwards - which she will do.
Please reconsider. Go on your holiday, enjoy the break, then come back and work with your team to get better.
I 100% believe in you, I 100% believe that you CAN get better - but not like this, not on your own, at least not yet.
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ReplyDeleteAoifs, u can get better
ReplyDeleteu can beat anorexia
u can believe in urself
u can do anything
u can run the marathon
u can have faith
u can have a life
u can continue to gain weight
All these things can truely happen if u start believing in urself and let go anorexia. Its easier said than done but nothing is impossible if u just believe in urself.