Whooohuuuuu *happydance* :-)
After over two months confined to bed i never want to see one again LOL Ive slept enough to last me a lifetime!!!
Although you know whats really quite annoying? I still feel tired...perhaps its the meds? I would have thought with my eating being so much better i would be bouncing off the walls at this stage! But no. I feel rather...i duno how you would say it...dopey? LOL i dont know,just not myself!
15 is where Dr.M wanted to me to get as it gets me out of the red zone (danger) however a healthy Bmi is 20-25 so theres still quite a way to go. Weve agreed i can stay at 15 for the moment and then slowly gain a little more and so on. Im not looking for a way out or quitting or anything of the sort,i just know from previous experience when i was forced to gain weight rather quickly,it backfired badly!
I WILL get to a healthy BMI but in time. Im just pressing the pause button at the moment in order for my head to catch up with my body.
Mentally apparently im still delousional. On bedrest obviously i was eating in my room but now im off it i am expected to eat in the dinning room with everyone else and this terrifies me. I told my nurse and she asked what was i so afraid of? My answer 'They will all think i am too fat to be eating as much as i have to. I will be so embarrassed to eat infront of them.' Silly really since they are seriously all nutters in here and i shouldnt give a crap about what they might or might not be thinking,they have their own problems! But still it IS a big worry.
Anyway i cant wait to stop talking so much about the anorexia and more about fashion.And that will come in time,probably when im out of here which will be early may fingers crossed. Then the bobster is taking me away somewhere hot and sunny for a week of pampering and when i get back i am going to a college open day to do a fas course 'fast track to employment' aswell as doing my fashion course later in the year.
I know ive said it a million times before but i DO feel like something has clicked this time...maybe because i was so ill before i came in here,it kind of gave me a scare and it was do or die.
'You set yourself free.'
We really do set ourselves free, well done beautiful, what you've done in the past 2months, you wouldnt have said you could 2 months ago, so take each day at a time, and just see, there's no harm in trying, and maybe with the support of those around you when you are eating you'll find it easier?see it as a normal thing in time.
ReplyDeleteSuper duper news :)