What to do when you cant sleep?
Blog!!!
My mind is racing and wont let me rest!
I thought i had made up my mind about studying healthcare in September but i just dont know. Something doesnt feel quite right. I keep coming back to fashion. I feel like i have no more time to waste and i have to get this decision right. But I just cannot decide and its driving me crazy!
I thought i wanted to stay away from fashion because it could be triggering...but the more i think about it,the more i think healthcare could be also. I guess there will be triggers throughout life whatever i do and instead of avoiding them,i have to learn to deal with them and not let them affect me.
Both courses start the second week in September so i know i have more time to think,but not knowing which i want to do is making me wonder can i do either of them?
Maybe i should just go back to the safe little world of anorexia...
I have regained the weight i lost in Lanzarote and more on top of that.
I have exactly one stone to gain and i will be at my target weight.
I look so huge compared to my lowest weight,its hard to accept the changes in my body but i definitely appreciate this new found energy that comes from some good nutrition :o)
Living is fun again..
But also extremely scary!
I catch myself thinking several times a day,how much easier it would be to go back to anorexia.
So safe.
Reliable.
Comforting.
But i cant go back. Im not sure id find my way back out again.
So onwards and upwards it is!!!
xxx
hey one thing Aoif. You do what you want to do and what you will enjoy! don't do healthcare if you don't want to-it won't turn out well in the long run if you go into it negatively :) Good luck xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks a million Nikki :o)
ReplyDeleteI think my problem is im not sure what i want lol ;o)
xxx
Hey sweetie,
ReplyDeleteOh I really hate making decisions too, especially when it comes to choosing a 'career'. Like you, I just don't know what I want! Only you can make the decision, but I can definitely relate.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things right now, even though it's difficult. I'm so pleased to hear that you're enjoying life and have more energy etc - it can only get better you know, just stick with it.
I seem to always leave you with a little quote (it's not intentional lol), but what sprung to mind when I read your post was, "Don't sacrifice what you want most, for what you want right now" - Anorexia might feel safe right now, but you cant keep living that way. You can recover and live a full and happy life, you just have to push through the bad days and stay strong - you can do it!
So proud of you xxx