I dont know what i want to write...i just feel the need to write...
After my appointment yesterday im feeling quite low.
I didnt see Dr M and saw a reg instead which was a little bit of a waste of time as i can only really be honest with Dr M.
I seem to be going round in circles time and time again. I lose weight,end up in hospital,gain weight,get depressed,lose weight again,end up in hospital and so on.The reg asked me what they can do to help me out of this cycle and neither of us knew the answer.
I feel like there is no answer.
This is me full of self pity and feeling sorry for myself im sorry,i just feel completely alone with these negative thoughts.
Since i last wrote ive been losing weight again,nothing drastic but its the ONLY thing making me feel a bit better.
Ive been trying to be positive and happy but the mask is slowly slipping.
Im at a loss.
I dont know how people recover,i really dont. Even when im doing better,eating and at a healthier weight,anorexia is always with me,always by my side,whispering in my ear.
Does it ever really go away???
xxx
I wish I could give you the magic answer but I cant as I am in exactly the same place as you. I too am 'fucking about' and losing weight and restricting even though I know I would rather kill myself than go back in hospital but that is the only place this will end up if I don't turn it around.
ReplyDeleteIt is horrible when people ask how they can help because there is nothing you can say because anorexia will not let anyone help. I don't know about you but I never have an honest answer for them.
BUT on a positive note my ED has introduced me to some truly amazing people who have recovered and are living the life no one thought they ever would. Recently a girl I was IP with and has struggled for years had an epiphany- she literally just woke up one day and 'saw the light'. There is always hope, always.
Keep strong and you will get the life you deserve xxxxxxxxxxx