Discharged.
Medically stable.
Emotionally?
Maybe not so much!!!
But better.
Definitely better.
I think the right dose of meds are finally kicking in and not a moment too soon.
So im home.
Im alive.
What now?
For the moment im going to the hospital twice a week.
Im trying to get out with friends for coffee.
I quit my job the day i overdosed.
I missed the start of my course as i was in hospital.
I have no idea what to do with life.
Getting on a bus and going into town is almost a challenge in itself.
I realise that must sound pathetic to most.
But hopefully some will understand.
Food is a whole other issue.
The anorexia is strong as hell right now.
And im just letting it happen.
I tried the day i got home from hospital to challenge it but the guilt eats me up. Pardon the pun.
I AM eating. Just not so much. And compensating when i am.
I want so much to eat well. Im hungry. Starving. And thats hard to admitt.
But im not allowed to eat what my body needs.
Im simply not allowed.
I'll leave on a more positive note-
"Nothing in the world is impossible the word itself says Im Possible."Audrey Hepburn.
Love Aoifs xXx
Hi there.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't not mind that I have read your blog post. I can relate to your words a great deal having been in a simillar place myself before. It seems to me that you are doing incredibly well and you do not sound or/are pathetic in any way at all. Anorexia is such a terrible ordeal and I wish I could say something helpful but I am at a loss for words. Sending you love, light and hope - you will make it through xo
Hi hun,
DeleteThank u so much for your kind comments. I really appreciate them. Im sorry u have found yourself in a similar place and can relate...i guess that means we are not alone in this. I really hope you are finding youre way out of it and on your way to being FREE.
Thank you again xxx