Today is day one of my new meal plan.
I asked for it.
I told my team i wanted to gain weight and wanted them to give me a target weight.
Since coming out of hospital ive been just kind of floating...not really committed to change.
But today that changes!!!
For bloody good!
I havent felt so ill in a long time and its all self inflicted!
My laxative abuse is out of control but i am going cold turkey as and from today.
I feel weridly excited!
Excited not to wake up in pain.
Excited not to feel dizzy and faint.
Excited to have energy again.
Excited i have premission to eat a certain amount,its like i have to do it,i have no choice,i signed a contract with my dietician,felt like i was signing my life away but infact its the complete opposite! Im going to gain my life back.
If after Day Hospital ends im still struggling i will go back into hospital and do the complete eating disorder programme and i told my docter if that happens that no matter what i say dont let me discharge myself until i am at a healthy happy weight.
But actually im feeling so determined i think im going to be able to do this at home.
Im not an idiot,i know there will be slip ups but everyone has them no matter what the situation and the important thing is to learn from them and move on.
I am done with being ill and miserable and missing out on all the fun things life has to offer.
I am so lucky in so many ways,its time i really realised that.
So here goes! Now im off to have dinner! Wish me luck!!!
Love Aoife x
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