Yet again i have ended up in hospital.
My 3rd admission this year...nothing to be proud of.
I am disappointed in myself.
That i let this happen again.
After my last admission i was eating well and continued to gain weight.
I reached my highest weight in years and sheer panic took over and i stopped eating.
My weight became unstable,my bloods became unstable and i became unstable.
Afraid to leave the house for what people may think of my weight gain.
So here i am back on the psych ward and back on a NG tube under section.
I feel deeply ashamed and embarrassed.
But...id rather be honest than keep hiding away.
Im having ECT treatment again and after only one session it is helping already.
Im getting tube fed 20 hours a day and expected to eat on top of that which really seems near impossible. I am managing little bits now which is some improvement but each mouthful is full of guilt.
I know i will bounce back from this as i usually do...but how long for? And is it worth it?
I just dont know anymore...
xxx
Sweet girl, I am so sorry things have been difficult for you of late.
ReplyDeleteI know it is easy for me to say from an outsiders point of view but there is nothing for you to be ashamed and embarrassed about. Recovery is a journey of many ups and downs along the way and it is not easy! You are inspirational.
Take good care of you beautiful xo
Thank you soooo much hunni.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing well,thinking of you xxx